When Things Go Wrong...

Last week it seemed as if everything we owned broke. Two cars were in the shop for repairs; water (a large amount) started leaking out of the dishwasher; the dryer stopped working; and yesterday at 5 a.m. a section of baseboard heat ruptured with water pouring into our living room! This photo of Edvard Munch's "The Scream" captures my emotional state at 5 a.m.

This last malady was the worst. Although I shut off the water, gallons of filthy radiator water drained out of the baseboard and it took nearly 2 hours of wet vacuuming to clean it up. Now, carpets and drapes will need to be cleaned and the leak repaired.

After so much breaking down, I wondered: Were malignant forces in the universe conspiring against me? Should I hire an exorcist to drive out the evil spirits inhabiting our cars, appliances and heating system?

Upon further reflection, I decided against the exorcist. I really don't believe that the "universe" or "evil spirits" are conspiring to break my things. Rather, I believe that bad things sometimes happen in clusters. This is simply a case of "life happening."

When a cluster of bad things happen, it's an opportunity to practice some good ole Buddhist detachment. Rather than blaming malignant spirits, God, karma, the universe or yourself, it's much better to view these things non-reactively. These are simply problems to be solved, not personal attacks on our psyches.

Dealing with broken things helps us recognize that life isn't perfect and its imperfections can be opportunities to test and expand our souls. It's also an opportunity to express gratitude that these things can be fixed because some things can't.

Play Continued... Team Versus Solo?

A few days ago I wrote about the spiritual benefits of play. Since games and sports are the main forms of adult play, this raises the question of "team versus solo: which better nourishes the soul?"


One positive value of team sports is that of cooperation. When playing on a team, you must learn to play together with teammates. Often, a bond of camaraderie arises between teammates. This social connection can be soul feeding in a way similar to sharing a meal with friends. We enjoy sharing a common experience with a common goal. My participation in rowing competitions confirms this. As we pull together to do our best in a race, there is a bond of brotherhood and sisterhood that draws us closer together. We have the feeling that we’re in this together.

While playing with others has spiritual benefits, playing alone can also be soul nourishing. If you’ll allow me another example from rowing… I have found that rowing a single shell is a very different experience than rowing with others. When rowing alone, I am better able to focus on my inner self and, thus, able to be more mindful about what I’m doing. Rowing solo allows me to set my own pace, to stop and appreciate the surrounding beauty and to enjoy the feel of a shell gliding through the water.

So the "team versus solo" issue is a "both/and" rather than an "either/or." There are benefits to both kinds of play. What nourishes your soul more is a matter of individual preference.

"What Feeds Your Soul?"...College Students Answer

I'm back in school again (but not as a student)! The fall semester started on Tuesday at Iona College and I am teaching two sections of "Religion In the Contemporary World," a course that explores seven of the world's major religions.

I asked the question above to my students on the first day of class. I have about 80 students in the two classes and I received about 75 different answers. Some of the answers: working as a counselor at a summer camp, buying my first car, skydiving, hanging out with friends, participating in a "cancer walk" to raise money, traveling to Costa Rica, tutoring a special needs child, visiting Turkey, surfing, going to the beach, going on a work trip to Louisiana, and going to Las Vegas!

As you can see there was great variety in the answers. However, there was a common thread as well: nearly everything mentioned fell into the "active spirituality" category. Maybe it was because these were mostly active college freshman answering, but nobody mentioned traditional soul-feeding practices like prayer, meditation or worship (actually, one student said he went to church for the first time in several years).

My point is that, while what feeds our souls is personal and unique, doing can trump being when it comes to spiritual nourishment.

Soul At Play

I am interested in what happens to people who find the whole of life so rewarding that they are able to move through it with the same kind of delight in which a child moves through a game. Margaret Mead

The word “play” is such a complex and deep word that it has over one hundred definitions in the Oxford English Dictionary. One of the linguistic roots of play is the Middle Dutch, plein, which means “to dance about, jump for joy.” Play is one of those phenomena that is difficult to define but easy to identify when seen. Who hasn’t smiled or laughed at children playing. We enjoy their exuberance and joyful movements. Play and fun are nearly inseparable in a child’s world.

Psychologists tell us that play is essential for a child’s development. Playing helps a child develop the physical coordination and social skills needed to function in an adult world. It’s no accident that playing video games has increasingly eclipsed the more physical kinds of outdoor play. When you look at our computer-dominated and cell phone saturated world, the nimble movements of the fingers needed to play video games is good preparation for adulthood.

Unfortunately, as we move into adulthood many of us forget to play. We don’t lose the ability, but time for play gets squeezed out by the responsibilities and demands of work and family. This is our loss, for playing is just as important for adults as it is for children, but in a different way. For us, playing sports and games is a way of exercising, relieving stress, making social connections and having some fun. We need to play in order to exercise our bodies and minds. But, how can play nourish our souls?

At the heart of play is recreation. Recreation is refreshing and renewing. The word “recreate” can also be expressed as “re-create.” When it comes to feeding the soul, recreation becomes re-creation. The first question to ask yourself when it comes to play that feeds the soul is: What do I do for recreation and relaxation? Answering this will offer clues to play’s soul-nourishing possibilities.

"Acedia and Me"

One of the books I've been reading this summer is Kathleen Norris's excellent "Acedia and Me: A Marriage, Monks and A Writer's Life." Acedia is an archaic word that has several meanings. Most basically it means "an inability to care; indifference; apathy." Acedia was eventually absorbed into the category of "sloth" but it is more complex than simple laziness.

Acedia was considered the greatest challenge by the desert monks of Early Christianity. It was called "the noontime demon," an allusion to it being in plain sight but still very debilitating. The symptoms of acedia are very like those of depression. Norris believes that much of what is diagnosed as depression is really acedia at work.

For the monastic life the "cure" for acedia was to continue on with your life as usual, even if you didn't feel like it made a difference. This "fake it until you make it" strategy seemed to work. After a time of going through the motions, monks would report a return of their ability to care and their energy.

Acedia is still a threat to living a spiritual life. It can lure us into thinking "what I'm doing doesn't matter." That thought can plunge us into indifference or, worse, despair. At such times, it's important to keep pressing on and being patient with ourselves. These difficult times in this "spiritual desert" are preparing us for future times of renewal and spiritual fertility.

Soul-Trying Weather

While hiking in the rain over the weekend, I pondered the question: How does weather affect spirituality?

I have to confess that I love fair weather. Ideal weather for me is sunny, low humidity and in the 70's. Fortunately, in Connecticut we enjoy this kind of weather about half of the year.

However, for the past month, we've had to suffer with my least favorite kind of weather: tropical. It's been hot, humid and very muggy. After a rowing workout I feel like a rung-out washrag. After hiking, I have to change my shirt because I'm drenched.

Such unpleasant weather is a challenge for mindfulness and, thus, for spirituality. On my two hikes over the weekend, not only was it hot and muggy, small black flies were trying to bite my eyes (the only place where insect repellent couldn't be applied). Tropical heat and insects are not ingredients for finding a spiritual connection in nature!

These obstacles are challenges for the soul. My goal is to overcome these obstacles by employing mindfulness. But, it's not easy. When I'm distracted by physical discomfort, I tend to focus on the wrong things. Overcoming discomfort and experiencing a spiritual connection takes practice.

Such obstacles teach me that life doesn't have to always be perfect to experience gratitude and joy. In fact, if you wait for perfect conditions for mindfulness, you might only have a few opportunities a year! Overcoming obstacles and meeting challenges help the soul to grow in depth and richness. While it's not easy, it is worth the effort.

Grace in "The Soloist"

Last night I watched the movie "The Soloist." What an inspiring film! The movie is based on a true story of the relationship between journalist Steve Lopez (played by Robert Downey, Jr.) and brilliant, but mentally ill, homeless musician Nathaniel Ayers (played by Jamie Foxx).

The relationship between Lopez and Ayers develops into a friendship that has many ups and downs. Lopez works for the LA Times, is dissatisfied with his job and life, and is looking for a meaningful story to write about. Ayers is a musical prodigy who dropped out of Julliard after developing schizophrenia, is living on the streets of LA and playing a two-string violin.

The friendship between Lopez and Ayers transforms both of their lives, which is the inspiring part of the movie. At one point, Lopez is telling his ex-wife (who is also his editor at the Times) about how he feels about helping Ayers. He says, "I can't find the right word to describe it." She answers, "The word you're looking for is 'grace'."

Seldom have I seen the word 'grace' so accurately and beautifully portrayed. Grace is that undeserved and unexpected love and acceptance we receive in life. It can come through a relationship with another person, with nature, or with God. Theologian Paul Tillich's synonym for grace is "unconditional acceptance." He believed that grace often strikes us in the midst of life's difficulties, "when we are in great pain and restlessness."

Discovering grace is one of life's transforming moments. When grace comes, we often don't recognize it, or call it by the right name. Yet, we know it as we experience it. It is the experience of wholeness, unconditional love and overwhelming joy.