Youthful Aging

Why do some 80 year-olds seem vibrant and alive while some 60 year-olds seem prematurely old? I don't think genetics alone explains how we age. How we age has more to do with our inner attitudes than outer chronology.

A friend emailed me the following maxim: "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." While this is an oversimplification of the issue, there is some wisdom here. Those who age well are able to keep their sense of playfulness, humor and joy alive.

Aging is inevitable. It brings about changes physically, mentally and emotionally. Some of these changes are painful and impose limitations upon us. Yet, how we adapt to the changes of aging is critical. Are we able to see the opportunities in change?
Are we able to adapt to our limitations and find ways to live fully within them?

Here's an example of what I'm pointing to. A rowing friend of mine can no longer row competitively because of physical limitations. However, he has found new meaning, purpose and joy in becoming a rowing coach. He takes great pleasure in coaching his "kids" and claims this keeps him young.

We all need to discover those things and relationships that make us feel alive and joyful. We also need to be flexible and adaptable so we can find new opportunities when we are no longer able to do those life-enhancing activities. Each stage of life has its possibilities for being fully alive. Those who age youthfully are able to seize them.

Snow Day!

A snowstorm is keeping many of us at home today in the New York City metropolitan area. There is a blizzard warning for this afternoon. The words "snow day" evoke great joy and excitement, especially in school children. All the area schools (including NYC schools which only cancel once every 10 years!) are closed and children will enjoy a day of sledding and snowball fights.

Of course, adults are working at home. With the advances in technology, a snow day is simply another work day. But I wonder if we can't tap into some of the joy of children on a day like this.

We can see a day where we're forced to stay home as incarceration or as liberation. To view this day in the former way is to see it as something forced upon us, a limiting of our freedom to go about our normal activities. But to view it in the latter way is to see this day as a gift of freedom from our normal routine.

Even if you're stuck working at home, you can take some time to get outside and play a little. Even walking around in the snow can be playful because it is so awkward. Children's play involves spontaneity and joy. Such play has a spiritual dimension because our souls are fed by joy. So, like children, let's welcome a snow day as the gift that it is!

The Playful Soul

When you think of the word “play” what images come to mind? Children shouting gleefully in a game of playground tag? Swinging high into the air on a swing set? Shooting a basketball? Kicking a soccer ball? Enjoying a game of Bridge or Hearts or Spades? Throwing dice and moving your piece in a game of Monopoly? Gliding down a snow-covered slope on parabolic skis? Dancing the tango with your partner? Obviously, this list could go on and on.

Play is in the mind of the beholder. What counts as play to me may not seem like play at all to you. What makes an activity play? First, it should be fun and enjoyable. Play is the difference between walking and skipping. When play is separated from enjoyment, it can be drudgery or mere exercise. Another feature of play is that it involves movement of some kind. Even playing video games involves moving one’s thumbs. The Nintendo Wii video game system has games that involve imitating the movements of sports and dances, a kind of virtual play. At its best, play is exuberant, spontaneous and joyful.

The third definition of play in Webster’s College Dictionary is: “activity, often spontaneous, engaged in for recreation, often by children.” At the heart of play is recreation. Recreation is refreshing and renewing. The word “recreate” can also be expressed as “re-create.” When it comes to feeding the soul, recreation becomes re-creation.

The question to ask yourself when it comes to play that feeds the soul is: What do I do for recreation and relaxation? Answering this will offer clues to play’s soul-nourishing possibilities. Just as play is important for the mind and the body, it is also important for the soul.

Snowshoeing!

The huge storm that hit the Northeast dumped over 10 inches of snow where I live. So yesterday I went snowshoeing for the first time. I got the snowshoes last Christmas, but there wasn't enough snow to use them until now.

Snowshoeing is a blast! I went to Woodland Nature Preserve, strapped on my snowshoes and headed into the forest. One great thing about snowshoeing is that you don't have to worry about trails (if you're not where there are cliffs or crevasses). In fact, it's harder to walk on packed or uneven snow. So, trailblazing is a fun necessity.

I loved being able to make my own trail through the woods. I felt the heady joy of freedom to go wherever I pleased. Snow transforms a dull, brown landscape into one of white beauty.

Somehow, snow makes you feel like a child again. The spontaneity of trailblazing also has a childlike quality to it. Snowshoeing was like playing! I felt deep gratitude at being able to enjoy nature's gift of fresh snow.

Soul Competition

These past few weeks, I've been training to row in the "Hudson River Challenge," a 25 kilometer race (about 15 miles) from the George Washington Bridge to the Tappan Zee Bridge. This regatta commemorates the 400th anniversary of Henry Hudson's first voyage up this magnificent river.

One of the issues in playing sports is the role of competition. Does competing to win enhance or diminish the activity’s spiritual benefits? This is a difficult question because competition often brings out the best performance in us. When we’re competing against others, we are trying harder and giving more effort. Also, training for a competition motivates us to work hard.

For all the benefits of competition, there is a downside. When we’re competing, the focus is on beating other competitors and winning the contest. This necessarily sets up a “win/lose” situation. When we’re too focused on winning, the spiritual benefits of playing are diminished. Play becomes work. Competition can also undermine being mindful while playing a sport as the focus is outward rather than inward.

That being said, there are rare souls who can ignore other competitors and play their own game or run their race. When athletes are “in the zone," they are competing. Yet, it doesn’t seem that they are concerned with competitors; rather, they are totally focused on their own performances. Some have called this “playing the inner game.”

I’m not arguing that we should forego competitive sports if we want to feed our souls. Being aware of the risks, as well as the benefits, of playing competitively can help us mitigate those risks. Also, not every sporting event has to be soul nourishing. We might decide to have different goals when we’re competing than when we’re not. Bringing an inner focus to competitive playing makes a spiritual connection possible, but there is no guarantee.

Play Continued... Team Versus Solo?

A few days ago I wrote about the spiritual benefits of play. Since games and sports are the main forms of adult play, this raises the question of "team versus solo: which better nourishes the soul?"


One positive value of team sports is that of cooperation. When playing on a team, you must learn to play together with teammates. Often, a bond of camaraderie arises between teammates. This social connection can be soul feeding in a way similar to sharing a meal with friends. We enjoy sharing a common experience with a common goal. My participation in rowing competitions confirms this. As we pull together to do our best in a race, there is a bond of brotherhood and sisterhood that draws us closer together. We have the feeling that we’re in this together.

While playing with others has spiritual benefits, playing alone can also be soul nourishing. If you’ll allow me another example from rowing… I have found that rowing a single shell is a very different experience than rowing with others. When rowing alone, I am better able to focus on my inner self and, thus, able to be more mindful about what I’m doing. Rowing solo allows me to set my own pace, to stop and appreciate the surrounding beauty and to enjoy the feel of a shell gliding through the water.

So the "team versus solo" issue is a "both/and" rather than an "either/or." There are benefits to both kinds of play. What nourishes your soul more is a matter of individual preference.

Soul At Play

I am interested in what happens to people who find the whole of life so rewarding that they are able to move through it with the same kind of delight in which a child moves through a game. Margaret Mead

The word “play” is such a complex and deep word that it has over one hundred definitions in the Oxford English Dictionary. One of the linguistic roots of play is the Middle Dutch, plein, which means “to dance about, jump for joy.” Play is one of those phenomena that is difficult to define but easy to identify when seen. Who hasn’t smiled or laughed at children playing. We enjoy their exuberance and joyful movements. Play and fun are nearly inseparable in a child’s world.

Psychologists tell us that play is essential for a child’s development. Playing helps a child develop the physical coordination and social skills needed to function in an adult world. It’s no accident that playing video games has increasingly eclipsed the more physical kinds of outdoor play. When you look at our computer-dominated and cell phone saturated world, the nimble movements of the fingers needed to play video games is good preparation for adulthood.

Unfortunately, as we move into adulthood many of us forget to play. We don’t lose the ability, but time for play gets squeezed out by the responsibilities and demands of work and family. This is our loss, for playing is just as important for adults as it is for children, but in a different way. For us, playing sports and games is a way of exercising, relieving stress, making social connections and having some fun. We need to play in order to exercise our bodies and minds. But, how can play nourish our souls?

At the heart of play is recreation. Recreation is refreshing and renewing. The word “recreate” can also be expressed as “re-create.” When it comes to feeding the soul, recreation becomes re-creation. The first question to ask yourself when it comes to play that feeds the soul is: What do I do for recreation and relaxation? Answering this will offer clues to play’s soul-nourishing possibilities.