Enjoying the Pain?

I've started a winter workout program on rowing machines on M/W/F/Sat. These workouts last about an hour and can be grueling. Our new Ukrainian rowing coach is intense and has challenged us to work harder.

Our coach has come up with some interesting sayings during these hard workouts. This morning, while we were doing the last of three 20 minute rowing sessions, he said, "Enjoy the pain." What I think he meant was "enjoy the physical exertion of a hard workout."

While I didn't enjoy the workout, I did enjoy the results. After a hard workout you feel relaxed from the endorphins that are released. You also feel good when the pain of the workout stops. You're hungry for breakfast and feel fully justified in eating a full breakfast. At night, you're tired and sleep better.

A hard workout is a useful metaphor for certain times in our life. When we have endured a painful or difficult time, there is relief when the pain stops. There is also the positive feeling that "I've survived this." Often, we can learn some life lessons from a painful episode.

I'm not suggesting that we seek out painful experiences. Enough pain comes into every life without looking for it. What I'm saying is that we can learn how to survive these challenging times and become stronger in the process. Perhaps we can even learn to enjoy the pain-- after it's over.

The Unfamiliar Territory of Loss

At my chronic pain support group yesterday, we had a profound conversation about grieving. I attend this group regularly as a "spiritual advisor," but often find that I am the one who benefits, as happened yesterday.

Members of the group spoke eloquently about what they had to give up as a result of their pain. One man had to give up a charter boat business and was clearly grieving for that loss. Another person had to deal with the limitation of arthritis and giving up the competitive sports that she loved. Another woman spoke of losing her husband, son, and closest friend to death in a period of a few years.

Such losses are painful and can thrust us into unfamiliar territory where we feel lost and alone. These losses create the need to rebuild a new life and form new relationships. Pain is a limitation, but we can recreate a new life within the limitations it places upon us.

What was inspiring about these stories of loss and grief was the resilience of the sufferers. None of these persons were throwing in the towel or giving up. Rather, they were struggling to find a new way through unfamiliar territory. This discussion caused me to rethink how I will deal (and have dealt) with the losses that inevitably will come.

"Pain But No Fear"

I unashamedly confess that I am an Olympics junkie. Whenever the Olympic Games are on, winter or summer, I'm glued to the TV. Yesterday was one of the greatest days for American athletes ever in the Winter Games: 6 medals including 3 golds.

What a thrill it was to watch Lindsey Vonn ski an amazing run in the women's downhill! And, she did so despite a painful shin injury. As a skier, I appreciate what it took for her to give her best despite the pain. The New York Times headline on the Sport's Page read: "Pain But No Fear As Vonn Wins Downhill."

The fear of pain is one of the limiting factors in living life to its fullest. While pain is a signal that something is wrong, avoiding pain is not necessarily a good thing. For example, if we avoid loving relationships because we're afraid of the pain of loss or rejection, then our life is diminished.

We need to pay attention to our pains and use wisdom to discern which to avoid and which to embrace. Seeking pain for its own sake doesn't make sense. But enduring pain in order to achieve something good and positive often makes sense.

There is no way to avoid all pain. To try to do so would undermine our living a rich and full life. Neither should we allow our fear of pain to keep us from doing the things that enhance life. Pain is a teacher and we are its students. To fear the teacher is a roadblock to learning our life lessons.

The Promise in Pain

The poet Ogden Nash once penned this brief poem: Some pains are physical/some pains are mental/but the one that’s both is dental!

While we might smile at Nash’s witty words, pain is no laughing matter. We need to become more aware of our pain. It may seem strange to call for a greater awareness of pain since pain calls attention to itself so well. Yet, too many of us suffer silently with our pain.

Most of us seek medical attention when our pain reaches the level of intolerance. Unfortunately for some, pain can become chronic. Chronic pain is an overwhelming issue for a vast number of persons in the United States. It is estimated that fifty million Americans live and suffer with chronic physical pain.

As the Nash poem reminds us, pain is not only physical. A large number of Americans suffer from emotional pain. However, in the case of emotional pain many persons don’t seek treatment because of the stigma associated with depression, grief, or bipolar disorder.

Pain is often the first sign that something is wrong and is nearly always viewed as a medical issue in need of medical treatment. There have been many advances in the treatment of physical and emotional pain. If these treatments alleviate, or reduce our pain to manageable levels, we are fortunate.

But what happens when medical treatments don’t bring the relief we need and want?

One of the most dehumanizing aspects of pain is that it can cause us to feel helpless and powerless. We can easily see ourselves as victims with little control or power over our pain. Is there a way to find power and purpose in our suffering?
Because of a strong and proven mind/body connection, a spiritual approach could help when other treatments fail.

A spiritual approach involves: (1) acknowledging that pain is an inevitable part of being alive, (2) facing our pain rather than running from it, (3) learning the lessons pain can teach us, (4) discovering our inner strength to cope with pain, (5) being willing to journey with others in finding hope in the midst of pain.

How we cope with the pain that inevitably comes into our lives has so much to do with whether we feel happy, content and fulfilled. So let us suffer silently no more. If we have chronic pain, let us resolve to seek treatment. And, if we are in emotional pain, let us seek treatment as well.

Finding Power in Pain

Ogden Nash penned this brief poem:

Some pains are physical,
some pains are mental,
but the one that’s both is dental!

While we might smile at Nash’s witty words, pain is no laughing matter. November is “Pain Awareness Month.” It may seem strange to call for a greater awareness of pain since pain calls attention to itself so well. Too many of us suffer silently with our pain.

Most of us seek medical attention when our pain reaches the level of intolerance. Unfortunately for some, pain can become chronic. Chronic pain is an overwhelming issue for a vast number of persons in the United States. It is estimated that fifty million Americans live and suffer with chronic physical pain.

As the Nash poem reminds us, pain is not only physical. A large number of us suffer from emotional pain. However, in the case of emotional pain many persons don’t seek treatment because of the stigma associated with depression, grief, or bipolar disorder.

Pain is often the first sign that something is wrong and is nearly always viewed as a medical issue in need of medical treatment. There have been many advances in the treatment of physical and emotional pain. If these treatments alleviate, or reduce our pain to manageable levels, we are fortunate. But what happens when medical treatments don’t bring the relief we need and want?

One of the most dehumanizing aspects of pain is that it can cause us to feel helpless and powerless. We can easily see ourselves as victims with little control or power over our pain. Is there a way to find power and purpose in our suffering?

Because of a strong and proven mind/body connection, a spiritual approach could help when other treatments fail.

A spiritual approach involves: (1) acknowledging that pain is an inevitable part of being alive, (2) facing our pain rather than running from it, (3) learning the lessons pain can teach us, (4) discovering our inner strength to cope with pain, (5) being willing to journey with others in finding hope in the midst of pain.

How we cope with the pain that inevitably comes into our lives has so much to do with whether we feel happy, content and fulfilled. So let us suffer silently no more. If we have chronic pain of any kind, let us resolve to seek treatment.

Lasting Happiness

My good friend, Dr. John Tamerin, recently gave a talk at the Fairfield (CT) Happiness Club titled, "Happiness: A Clinical Perspective Based on Being in Psychiatric Practice for 40 Years." The quotes below are from the introduction.

"First, you must realize that happiness is a gift. Most important, it is a gift which you can give to yourself, but it is a gift which needs to be refreshed on a regular basis. The kind of happiness that merely happens TO YOU will not last. Lasting Happiness requires effort.

"Every person who seeks my help as a doctor is in pain and everyone who sees me would like to be happy. Happiness, however, is more than the absence of pain. A wise Rabbi in Jerusalem addressed this issue when he asked me: 'What is the opposite of pleasure.?' I gave the predictable answer- 'Pain.' He said, 'No, the opposite of pleasure is comfort because if you insist on being comfortable you will never achieve pleasure (i.e. happiness) because happiness involves both effort and the willingness to confront discomfort and even pain in order to pursue true joy and meaning in your life.'

"His point and now mine is that to achieve happiness you must be willing to make an effort and to confront challenges and occasionally even demons. The path to happiness is not comfortable. Happiness does not just happen! It is not bestowed on any of us simply by being in the right place at the right time. That is merely good luck.

There is great wisdom in these words. Lasting happiness doesn't "just happen," but is a decision that involves effort and a willingness to risk pain and discomfort. Lasting happiness requires self-knowledge, gratitude and a welcoming attitude towards life. Lasting happiness is not based on the changeable circumstances of life, but on nourishing the inner self, the soul.

Nearly everyone says they want to be happy, but not everyone is willing to put forth the effort and to endure the pain that lasting happiness requires.

Purpose and Pain

On Saturday, I rowed in the first annual Hudson River Challenge, a 25 kilometer race from the George Washington Bridge to the Tappan Zee Bridge. See the previous blog for more details. We rowed in an "octuple," an eight person sculling shell (each person having 2 oars). The photo above by our coxswain, Alex, shows our octuple rowing up the Hudson in the rain and fog.

It took us a little over 2 hours of continual rowing to cover these 15+ miles. The longest I had ever rowed continuously before this was an hour and 15 minutes (on a rowing machine). So, it was a looooonnnnnggggg row! Our crew of four women and four men did themselves proud by finishing first in the "eights" category and fourth overall. We received a nice piece of driftwood for our first place finish.

The row took us by the Palisades Park in New Jersey, a stunning series of cliffs along the Hudson. I enjoyed these magnificent views by stealing a few glances as we were rowing. The photo on the right of the Palisades and Hudson River is from "Point Lookout," the highest point in the park, by Anthony Taranto, Jr.

However, this row wasn't all beautiful scenery nor was it easy paddling! About halfway through the race, I got a cramp in my left gluteus maximus (butt cheek), which made the last hour very painful. Since then I've had some time to reflect on dealing with pain.

How we cope with the pain that comes into our lives has a great deal to do whether we feel happy, content or fulfilled. If our pain eclipses everything else, then happiness seems elusive and even impossible. Yet, if we can face our pain head-on and deal with it, new possibilities for fulfillment can emerge.

One of the most dehumanizing aspects of pain and suffering is it can make us feel helpless and powerless. We can easily see ourselves as victims with little control or power to cope. I believe that a spiritual approach to dealing with pain can help us find power and purpose in our suffering.

A spiritual approach involves: (1) acknowledging that pain is an inevitable part of being alive, (2) facing our pain instead of running away from it, (3) learning the lessons that pain might be able to teach us, (4) discovering the inner strength to cope with pain, (5) being willing to journey with others in discovering power and even purpose in pain and suffering.

Regarding this last point, I journeyed with my fellow rowers, most of whom were also struggling with various pains. In a way, rowing in this grueling race created a fellowship of suffering and provided a close bond between us. We all rowed through our pain and finished the race. We were even able to do a communal pirate yell "Arrrrgh!" near the finish line.

The lessons I learned on Saturday were (1) that my pain didn't need to ruin the thrill of rowing on a beautiful river, and (2) that pain can be overcome by striving toward a goal-- the finish line in this case. The challenge is to apply these lessons to the wide variety of pains we will experience in life.