Resilience!

Yesterday, I was inspired by the story of a friend who had been through some very difficult times in his life. He escaped from Denmark after the Nazi's invaded his home country. He lost a son to a boating accident 25 years ago. His daughter-in-law has survived for 7 years with a rare and aggressive form of cancer. And, he is being treated for metastatic cancer.

Despite these difficulties, he says that he feels "lucky" and "fortunate." He is filled with gratitude for his life and is focused on how he can help others.

The quality I see in this friend is resilience. Despite being knocked down by the blows life has dealt him, he remains steadfast and positive. He doesn't give in to self-pity or depression. Even though his initial reaction to these tragedies was deep sadness, he bounced back from each difficulty.

My suspicion is that the source of his resilience is his deep gratitude for life. Gratitude is the foundation of resilience. If we can understand how we are blessed, even in the midst of challenging circumstances, we will find the inner strength and fortitude to survive and even thrive.

As I said, I have been inspired by my friend. So, each morning I'm reflecting on what I'm grateful for. I'm making a list and adding to it each day. To begin each day by giving thanks for even one thing can make the rest of the day go better. When we strengthen our sense of gratitude, we also strengthen our resilience when difficult times come-- and they always do.

New News on Grieving

Dr. George Bonanno has written a new book on grieving titled, The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. I've read two reviews that highly recommend the book.

Dr. Bonanno challenges the conventional wisdom that there are five stages of grief based on Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's research of persons facing their own deaths. He contends that this research doesn't necessarily apply to those who are grieving the loss of loved ones.

Instead, he points to three "grieving patterns": 10-15% of people have chronic difficulty coping with loss; 15-20% struggle for several months and then recover; over 50%, although pained by the loss, are able to function from the beginning, demonstrating "resilience."

"Resilience" is defined as being able to function well despite the loss. He says of those who are resilient: "They oscillate between turning inward, to face the fact that the loved one is gone, and turning outward."

Resilience is an important spiritual quality-- it is the capacity to draw comfort and strength from one's faith in God. To be resilient doesn't mean that we will be immune from the pain of loss, but that we will be able to cope with it and live a full and meaningful life.