"Why?"

Over the weekend I received the tragic news that the 15 year-old daughter of a colleague took her own life. There were no obvious warning signs that she was in such deep distress. She was an outstanding student, athlete and person in every way. She was lively and outgoing and had a wonderful smile.

All of us who knew her and her family are devastated and in shock. Everyone is heartbroken. Of course, we're all asking the question "Why?" We ask this question as if there is an explanation that would satisfy us and we could say, "Yes, now I understand."

Yet, I don't believe there is such an explanation. We search in vain for a rational answer to an irrational act. Suicide, especially for a young person, doesn't make sense. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Yet, in a 15 year-old mind, temporary problems can seem overwhelming and unsolvable.

When we ask "why" maybe what we're really doing is crying out for help, comfort and consolation. I believe that comfort can come from the Divine Comforter. However, grieving is a process that is painful and takes time. The deeper the wound, the longer the healing process.

I believe that even the deepest wound can heal. Yes, the scar still remains, and the ache and longing linger, but we can discover a resilience in tragedy that enables us to survive and, over time, embrace life once again. The name I give this inner resilience is faith. When tragedy strikes it is faith that gets us through it.

Prayers From Our Wailing Wall

Our world is in need of healing in a multitude of ways. In the class on the Letters of John I led over the weekend, I asked each person to write a prayer for healing on a post-it note. We then stuck these prayers on our "wailing wall" on a part of the blackboard. Here are some of the prayers that were offered.

For the healing of the country so that jobless people find employment.

Send your healing power to countries torn by strife.

That those who reach out to others in need will not feel that they have done so in vain.

Help us find a solution to war. Heal us, God, and help us work for peace.

Please bring this oil spilling crisis to an end and end the hardship that people are facing because of it.

Dear God, touch the women who are suffering from breast cancer and its effects.

Please heal your family in Haiti, especially those who lost family members, homes and are sick.

I ask that you bless all the people in need of your healing hand and bless families who are going through a difficult time.

What I appreciate about the above prayers is that they are not self-focused, but focused on the needs of others. Of course, this is the message of the Letters of John: we need to love others as God has loved us.

The Necessity of Nesting

Lately, my wife has been in a self-acknowledged nesting mode. Now that we are "empty nesters" she has been busy preparing our sons' former bedrooms for guests. This has involved much cleaning, culling, reorganizing and some redecorating. She receives great satisfaction from the results of these activities.

We usually associate nesting with women, but do men nest as well? Of course! An article I read in today's New York Times "Science Times" section brought home this point. In "At Home In Solitude As a Spirit Recovers," Dana Jennings describes his recovery from treatment for aggressive prostate cancer: surgery, radiation, and hormone therapy.

While Mr. Jennings body has recovered, his spirit has not. Therefore, he is nesting by taking pleasure "in the most gentle rhythms of daily life": taking long walks, meeting a friend for breakfast, getting a haircut. He has especially been enjoying some solitude.

When we experience a any kind of catastrophe-- physical, emotional or spiritual--nesting is so necessary. We need to do those things that help our inner selves, our souls, recover and heal. The healing of a soul is much like physical healing: it takes time, attention and self-care.

Nesting requires an awareness of what truly feeds, and heals, our souls. Such awareness takes time and effort to develop. But, once we know these things, the challenge is to do them. So, three cheers for nesting!