Love As Loyalty

My niece's wedding was this past Saturday and she asked me to read a passage from the Book of Ruth (1:15-18). This passage is often read at weddings and I've transcribed it below.

"Do not press me to leave you
or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
Where you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
and your God, my God.
Where you die, I will die--
there I will be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!"

The words above were spoken by the Moabite, Ruth, to her mother-in-law, Naomi, who is a Hebrew. Naomi has migrated from Judah to Moab with her husband and sons during a famine. After settling in Moab, Naomi's sons both married Moabites. Tragically, Naomi's husband and her two sons die. Thus, Naomi and her daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah, are widows.

When Naomi decides to return home to Judah, Ruth and Orpah follow her. But she entreats them to turn back and make a life for themselves in their own country. Orpah does this, but Ruth refuses to leave Naomi.

The story of Ruth is a story of deep love, tragic loss and amazing loyalty. Because of her deep love for Naomi, Ruth is willing to leave everything familiar behind. This is an amazing example of love as loyalty. Perhaps this is why the verses above are often read at weddings.

Love-as-loyalty shows that love is a decision, an act of the will. Surely, love-as-loyalty is important to successful marriages, but also to successful friendships and family relationships. Loyalty is what keeps us committed to a relationship when feelings of love are diminished because of an argument, a betrayal or misspoken words. We can't rely on feelings of love alone when it comes to our closest relationships, even our relationship with God. That's why we need love-as-loyalty.

A Verbal Fast

In a discussion about Muslims fasting during the month of Ramadan, a student said that he regularly engages in a "verbal fast." I hadn't heard this term before and asked him to explain. A verbal fast, he said, is to refrain from speaking for a certain period of time.

This student says that he has fasted verbally for up to a month. I asked him about the benefits of this kind of fast and he mentioned the following: silence and a greater focus on listening.

When you think about it, silence is a rare gift in our lives. We are nearly always surrounded by noise of some kind. Even when we're in a quiet place, there is rarely total silence. And, when there is, there is the noise within: thoughts, feelings, inner voices. That's why the goal of Buddhist meditation is to achieve a "blank mind" where we are silent within.

Whatever the spiritual benefits of silence, the greater benefit of not talking is that we have an opportunity to listen. It is difficult for the ears and mouth to function well at the same time. If we want to really hear what a person (or God) is saying, we need to be silent. Listening and silence are partners in the act of hearing.

The "What" and "How" of Soulfulness

When it comes to feeding our souls, the issue is not so much what we do, it’s how we go about it. Doing an activity “soulfully” makes all the difference in how we experience it. By “soulful” I mean to be in touch with the joy, the meaningfulness and the beauty of what we are doing.

Here's an example. There are several ways to hike. You can hike for exercise and walk fast enough to get your heart rate high. You can hike competitively and try to beat other hikers to your destination. Or you can hike soulfully, appreciating the beauty of where you are, enjoying the activity for itself, and feeling gratitude that you can do this.

When we are soulful about what we are doing, we connect with such emotions as awe, gratitude and joy. And when this happens, we can take one more step and direct these emotions toward their creator and source.

Our souls are not only fed by being still and quiet, they are also be fed by movement. For it is in God that we live and move and have our being. In fact, for some persons, being outwardly active actually quiets and calms the soul within.

What is needed is a kind of balance in our spiritual lives between being and doing, between being active and being still. Yet, the balance doesn’t have to be 50/50. The balancing point can be different for each of us. Our need is to find that balance.

So how do we do this? Here’s a suggestion. Take some time today to reflect on what truly feeds your soul. The clues to answering this are: What brings you deep joy? What energizes you? What are you doing when you feel a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction? Reflecting on these questions can point the way to living soulfully.

"Just" A Symbol

In a recent discussion about holy communion, someone said of the bread and wine, "Well, they're only symbols." By using "only" this person was downplaying, even demeaning, the importance of symbols.

Symbols are powerful. Religions are filled with symbols. The cross, the prayer wheel, the yin-yang, the minaret, and the Star of David are just a few examples. We should never underestimate the power of a symbol to convey meaning.

Certainly, symbols point beyond themselves to the reality they symbolize. Yet, in the spiritual realm, we are forced to use symbols in the form a metaphors to describe the indescribable. A metaphor is a word-symbol.

I believe that all language about God is metaphorical. When we talk about an invisible, spiritual reality, we have no other language than the language of image, symbol and metaphor to convey the mystery and majesty of the divine.

To use the words "just" and "only" in relation to symbols is to undermine their significance. Of course, this is only my opinion...

Taking a Time Out

I just finished spending my morning in travel agent hell. I tried to make flight, hotel and rental car reservations for a July trip. I was trying to coordinate two different itineraries, one of which was a "three-legged" flight. What a headache!

I have garnered new respect for the declining Travel Agent industry. With all of the travel sites available on the internet, I act as my own travel agent. This usually works when things are simple and straightforward. But throw in a few variables like a three-legged trip, and it becomes an exercise in frustration.

I won't go into the details of the frustrations I experienced. They are really only minor irritations. But I did do something I will commend to others who get frustrated with a task: take a time out.

When my frustration reached its peak, I left my computer and walked outside for a few minutes. I walked around my front porch enjoying the sun, the green lawn and trees, and began to relax. I returned to my computer renewed and ready to tackle the daunting tasks before me. (Confession: I also called a real travel agent to book the three-legged flight. It was worth every penny of her $25 fee.)

Time outs are a good strategy whenever we allow our emotions to get in the way of our functioning. Unfortunately, I often forget about this simple strategy for becoming calmer and more centered. But when I remember, life goes better.

A Common Love Ethic

What do the religions of the world have in common? This was the discussion question for my World Religions class last night. The answers to this question had both convergence and divergence.

Some of the answers pointed to some very general common features of religions: a system of belief, a moral code and rituals. Most religions share these three features. But, beyond these generalities, what specifically do the religions of the world have in common?

The consensus answer for my class was: a love ethic. We couldn't come up with a religion among the nine we covered this semester that didn't have some version of the Golden Rule. We also saw common values like love, compassion and doing good.

While there is a wide variety of beliefs in the religions of the world, there seems to be an agreement that we should treat our fellow humans with dignity, respect and love. Obviously, we all fall short of the ideal of loving everyone. That's another common feature among the adherents of religions: we don't live up to the highest ideals of our chosen religion.

I like what the Dalai Lama once said, "The purpose of religion is to make us better people." Perhaps this is yet another common feature of the religions of the world.

Getting Outside Your Comfort Zone

All of us have a "comfort zone," a way of living that is familiar and comfortable. We like living in our comfort zone because it is safe and secure.

Yet, when I reflect on the times in my life when I have experienced growth--physical, psychological, mental or spiritual-- I have been pushed outside my comfort zone. The problem with staying in a comfort zone all of the time is that we risk becoming stagnant. Comfort zones are no-risk zones.

An example of getting outside my comfort zone has been teaching a World Religions course in a maximum security prison. When I drove up to this prison for the first time, I thought to myself, "What have I gotten myself into?" The prison buildings were surrounded by a three-story high concrete wall with guard towers every 200 feet. To get to the classroom building, I had to go through 8 sets of steel doors. The sound of these electronically-operated doors shutting behind me had a terrible finality to it.

The first time I walked into the entrance of the prison, I imagined the quote from Dante's "The Divine Comedy" of the words over the entrance to hell: "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter."

Yet, my prison classroom has been a place of hope, learning and laughter. My stereotypes of prisoners have been turned upside-down this past semester. If I had stayed in my comfort zone, I would have not met these men and shared life with them. In teaching these men, I have learned and received much more than I have given.

I'm not holding myself up as a paragon of venturing outside a comfort zone. Like everyone, I spend most of my time there. Yet, there is something to be said for taking the risk to get outside a comfort zone. When we step outside our comfort zones, we will find that we stretch their boundaries and grow in unexpected ways.